We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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