I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
