how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
