i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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