The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he was CRYING into my vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
