just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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