i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
