I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
