It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
