Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
