Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
