Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So much rum. So many feels.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I FOUND THE LEGS
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
