that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
