I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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