I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
