I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
