All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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