I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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