so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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