We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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