at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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