you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dicks are not precious.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
