ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
