I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
