she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
