I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize