Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
