How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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