The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I sprained my soul last night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
