Having a random hookup so left but love u
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
