dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
