I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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