Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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