it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
