Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
