i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
