we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
