i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
