So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
