sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
