Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
