Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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