He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
