I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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