decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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