Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
