Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
