i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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