Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Text me some of your sweat
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