Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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