im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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