I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
