Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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