I'm so fucking centered right now
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
