I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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