Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
