If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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