so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
