I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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