I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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